Hi everyone! April turned out to be a pretty good reading month despite being stuck in lockdown with a never ending pile of PhD work. I think the OWLs readathon (hosted by BookRoast on YouTube) really helped keep me motivated over the last few weeks and meant that I actually read some books on my TBR that had been gathering dust for quite some time. Unfortunately, I didn't finish all of my prompts (only read 3/4 books), but I will make sure that I finish Six of Crows for my final prompt in May...
Here are the books that I read in April!
The Bystander Effect by Catherine Sanderson - 4 STARS
Firstly, thank you to the lovely bunch at @tandemcollectiveuk and @wmcollinsbooks (Instagram) for gifting me a copy of The Bystander Effect and inviting me to participate in #TheBystanderEffectReadalong this month. I'm very grateful to have taken part and it was so lovely to discuss the book with other like-minded individuals. The Bystander Effect is a non-fiction, Social Psychology book that centres around the 'Psychology of Courage and Inaction'. Essentially, why are people generally good at recognising bad behaviour (i.e. a sexist remark, racial slur, the consequences of being ordered to give someone a lethal shock), but simultaneously find themselves struggling to speak up and intervene?
Catherine Sanderson uses a mixture of psychological and neuroimaging evidence alongside real-life scenarios, like the Kitty Genovese and James Bulger cases, to outline 'The Bystander Effect' and its consequences. The first few chapters outline what 'The Bystander Effect' is and reasons why people are likely to act like a bystander when witnessing bad behaviour. If you have studied Psychology before (either at A-Level or Degree level), then you will most likely already be familiar with this phenomena and many of the signposted studies throughout. However, as a PhD Psychology student, I still discovered fascinating studies I hadn't come across before, like the cited studies on painkillers and social pain - so cool! Subsequently, there are chapters dedicated to tackling the bystander effect and fostering ethical behaviour in various settings: schools (bullying), colleges (sexual harassment and abuse), and in the workplace. I imagine these particular chapters will have significant practical implications for many readers. However, for me personally, the final chapters on learning how to act and becoming a 'moral rebel' were the strongest and most inspiring. Sanderson describes many protective factors that may prevent bystander behaviour and how to develop these skills ourselves. I found myself reflecting on situations where I have been a bystander in my life and I now feel like I have the tools and knowledge to prevent this from happening in the future. If you would like to see my responses to the various question cards that accompanied my copy of this book, these can be found under the 'BE Readalong' highlight on my Instagram page - @emviolxt.
However, this book read like a 'Social Psychology Beginners Textbook' for me and I found the writing to be quite repetitive. Additionally, I would've liked to read more studies that perhaps challenge the current literature on bystander behaviours and other confounding or extraneous factors that may have altered the reported findings. However, from a lay persons perspective, this would be a fantastic introduction to 'The Bystander Effect'!
Overall, this was a very thought provoking and inspiring read. Our silence and inaction allow bad behaviours and adverse situations to continue. Don't be a bystander. Speak up, show empathy and learn to be brave!
Paper Girls (Vol 1) by Brian K. Vaughn - 4 STARS
This mysterious, sci-fi graphic novel centres around four 12-year old girls who discover something 'other wordly' whilst delivering newspapers in the early hours of Halloween 1988.
I've recently set myself the aim to have at least one graphic novel on my TBR each month and for April, this was 'Paper Girls'. The aesthetic cover is what initially drew me in (I know, yes, don't judge a book by its cover and all that, but admit it, we all do!). Reading this was like being transported into a very strange dream. I won't lie to you, I'm not sure what the hell was happening 95% of the time throughout reading this, but I sure did love it! The colouring and aesthetics were stunning and the way this volume ended... I need to read volume two very soon!
House of Earth and Blood (Crescent City #1) by Sarah J. Maas - 4.5 STARS
Goodreads synopsis: "Bryce Quinlan had the perfect life—working hard all day and partying all night—until a demon murdered her closest friends, leaving her bereft, wounded, and alone. When the accused is behind bars but the crimes start up again, Bryce finds herself at the heart of the investigation. She’ll do whatever it takes to avenge their deaths. Hunt Athalar is a notorious Fallen angel, now enslaved to the Archangels he once attempted to overthrow. His brutal skills and incredible strength have been set to one purpose—to assassinate his boss’s enemies, no questions asked. But with a demon wreaking havoc in the city, he’s offered an irresistible deal: help Bryce find the murderer, and his freedom will be within reach.
As Bryce and Hunt dig deep into Crescent City’s underbelly, they discover a dark power that threatens everything and everyone they hold dear, and they find, in each other, a blazing passion—one that could set them both free, if they’d only let it."
I lived with this book for over a month and when I finished reading, I really didn't know what to do with myself? Firstly, I need to emphasise that this book was extremely long and whilst I appreciated the world building and learning about the various cities, creatures, magic etc., the story contained lengthy and unnecessary verbose throughout. I did find some scenes rather uncomfortable to read too and would rather they had been excluded in the editing process since they didn't actually add anything extra to the story apart from discomfort. Personally, the vast range of supernatural species and strong characters are what made me fall in love with this book. I liked the burning tension between Bryce and Hunt and I loved learning about Bryce and Danika's friendship. However, my favourite character was Ruhn Danaan, the fae prince. I found myself really looking forward to reading chapters from his POV. I hope that he will feature more prominently in the second book. Please note that I hadn't read any of Sarah J. Maas' work before this, but I have heard from others both on Booktube and Bookstagram, that if you don't like Sarah J Maas' writing style and didn't particularly enjoy reading any of her previous books, then you're unlikely to feel different about this adult fantasy.
All Your Twisted Secrets by Diana Urban - 5 STARS
This twisty YA fantasy opens with a group of teenagers, all of whom have received a scholarship letter inviting them to attend a dinner. Shortly after they arrive, it quickly becomes apparent that they haven't been invited to a dinner at all. They've been lured into a sickening trap. A note accompanies a ticking time bomb and a syringe filled with poison on the table - choose someone to kill, otherwise everyone will die.
I devoured this book. It was sitting on a 4 star rating for me up until 75% of the way through. BUT THE LAST 25%... WOW. The major plot twist changed my opinion and rating dramatically. The pacing was perfectly executed and the plot was incredibly clever and twisty - a power combination for a YA thriller. There are a few trigger warnings throughout, especially concerning suicide and drug abuse, so I recommend checking those before reading. I highly recommend this to anyone looking for a gripping and fast-paced YA thriller they can binge-read in one sitting!
I devoured this book. It was sitting on a 4 star rating for me up until 75% of the way through. BUT THE LAST 25%... WOW. The major plot twist changed my opinion and rating dramatically. The pacing was perfectly executed and the plot was incredibly clever and twisty - a power combination for a YA thriller. There are a few trigger warnings throughout, especially concerning suicide and drug abuse, so I recommend checking those before reading. I highly recommend this to anyone looking for a gripping and fast-paced YA thriller they can binge-read in one sitting!
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell - 5 STARS
 I've provided the Amazon synopsis for this story because I feel like this gives a more rounded and eloquent description than I could write: "Vanessa Wye was fifteen-years old when she first had sex with her English teacher. She is now thirty-two and in the storm of allegations against powerful men in 2017, the teacher, Jacob Strane, has just been accused of sexual abuse by another former student. Vanessa is horrified by the news, because she is quite certain that the relationship she had with Strane wasn't abuse. It was love. She's sure of that. Forced to rethink her past, to revisit everything that had happened, Vanessa has to redefine the great love story of her life - her great sexual awakening - as rape. Now she must deal with the possibility that she might be a victim, and just one of many..." I gave this heart wrenching, nauseating and beautifully written story 5 stars. This was an extremely challenging read, but I knew that it would be. Many breaks were taken while reading this. There were times where the story got very dark and uncomfortable, so I needed to distance myself for a little while. However, I needed to know what was going to happen next. I really liked the dual timeline and it was interesting to read Vanessa's perspective both when she was young and then when she was older. Growing up is difficult enough without the awful abuse and trauma Vanessa experienced. Notably, the author described dissociation so authentically, something I haven't noticed in other books I've read, and for that I was extremely grateful. There are obvious trigger warnings throughout this book (pedophilia, sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, gaslighting), but please do look up the full list prior to reading. As I said, it's a dark and difficult reading experience. The audiobook was wonderfully narrated. I feel like Grace Gummer really brought Vanessa to life for me, which made it all feel even more raw and real. I will never forget this story and its importance. |
An Anonymous Girl by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen - 4 STARS
In this tense psychological thriller, Jessica signs up to a psychology study on ethics and morality. As with all psychological studies that have received ethical approval, 'anonymity is guaranteed'. Or is it? As the questions start to become more invasive and the sessions begin to escalate in ways she hadn't imagined, it becomes very clear to Jessica that something is rather wrong with the mysterious Dr Shields. Does Dr Shields really know what she's thinking? Ahhh, this was a real page turner! Parts of this story were so intense, I found my palms sweating and pulse racing. Hendricks and Pekkanen have a talent for building spine-tingling suspense designed to evoke a visceral reaction. However, the ending for me felt extremely rushed and as a result, I didn't feel super satisfied with how things were left. I felt like I blinked and missed the ending, which is a real shame because I loved the majority of this story. Nevertheless, I still liked the writing style and the complexity of the characters. Every scene with Dr Shields made me shudder! Now that I have read this novel and 'You Are Not Alone' by the same authors, I definitely need to read 'The Wife Between Us' to complete my Hendricks and Pekkanen reading experience.
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So that's a wrap on my reading during April 2020! Have any of you read any of the aforementioned books or are you thinking about adding one of these books to your TBR? I'd love to know! I hope you are all staying safe and well during this particularly turbulent time. Take care, Emma x
Instagram - @emviolxt
Twitter - @emviolxtreads
Goodreads - Emma Violet (@emviolxt)
Instagram - @emviolxt
Twitter - @emviolxtreads
Goodreads - Emma Violet (@emviolxt)
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Occasionally, I spend what feels like hours scrolling through the list of film titles available on Netflix, yet find absolutely nothing to watch. This has not been the case over the past few months. Netflix have seriously upped their movie game - which is very much a good thing when it comes to a movie binge, although I think my Masters dissertation work may say otherwise...
I'm going to share with you some of the movies I have enjoyed watching on Netflix recently and that I strongly believe you should watch too! Please note, as always, there will be no spoilers in this post as we do not worship the devil and perform satanic rituals here. I'd also like to clarify that although the title of this post is 'Netflix Movies', I simply mean, movies on UK Netflix that I have watched - not that all the movies mentioned are Netflix 'Originals'.
*Descriptions appearing in italics were written by and belong to Netflix*
*Descriptions appearing in italics were written by and belong to Netflix*
Brain on Fire
"A mysterious illness is devastating her body and mind. Her doctors are baffled. But she's determined to find answers."
Honestly, if you only watch one movie from this list of recommendations, then please please do make it THIS MOVIE. It's based on a true story and accurately conveys the frustrations and challenges that come with fighting for a diagnosis for a rare, 'undiscovered illness'. Chloe's performance was absolutely phenomenal too, she had me feeling every single emotion her character experienced. Please watch this.
Wish Upon
"A troubled teenager receives a mysterious music box that grants her seven wishes. But she soon learns that there's a price to pay for having it all."
A horror movie? In a list of Emma's movie recommendations? No.... really? (*Please do take note of the sarcasm, if you know me you'll know I am always watching horror movies*). This film brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'be careful what you wish for'. I have watched this twice already, I really enjoyed it as horror movies go and THAT ENDING THO.
Love, Rosie
"Over the years, as they come and go in each other's life, childhood pals Rosie and Alex struggle to resolve the lasting, intimate bond between them."
I have watched this movie so many times I have actually lost count. This is a major comfort movie for me and one I will always turn to when I'm feeling in need of a laugh AND a cry. What truly makes this film so special to me, is the on screen chemistry between Lily Collins and Sam Claflin. I think they are both incredibly talented actors who portray these fictional characters perfectly. I can hand on heart say that the film is SOOO much better than the book, which is something I rarely say. If you haven't seen this yet, go and watch it!
Central Intelligence
"A CIA operative contacts a former high school buddy with accounting chops to help dissolve a lethal plot against U.S. undercover agents."
If you put Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson in a movie together, what do you get? An action-packed movie that will have you chuckling on your sofa for its entire running time. This is one of my favourite comedies I have watched this year so far, and surprisingly, some scenes did make me a lil emotional! You also begin to question certain character's motives and trustworthiness, which added necessary depth to a fairly simple storyline. This is one to watch with the family!
(I don't know why the text is small here - I've tried my best to edit it but nothing makes a difference :( )
Don't Breathe
"He's blind and rich -- the perfect target for robbery. But the tables turn when three teen thieves find themselves in a lethal game of cat and mouse."
Don't breathe? I COULD NOT PHYSICALLY BREATHE throughout the whole 1h 28m the first time I watched this! If you are looking for a movie rich in suspense with the occasional plot twist, this is for you. It will genuinely have you on the edge of your seat.
Identity Thief
"When Sandy Patterson in Colorado is accused of crimes he hasn't committed, he must track down the "Sandy Patterson" in Florida who has -- in his name."
This movie is hilarious. Melissa McCarthy is phenomenal, as per. Watch this if you are in desperate need of a laugh because it will not disappoint!
Tau
Central Intelligence
"A CIA operative contacts a former high school buddy with accounting chops to help dissolve a lethal plot against U.S. undercover agents."
If you put Kevin Hart and Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson in a movie together, what do you get? An action-packed movie that will have you chuckling on your sofa for its entire running time. This is one of my favourite comedies I have watched this year so far, and surprisingly, some scenes did make me a lil emotional! You also begin to question certain character's motives and trustworthiness, which added necessary depth to a fairly simple storyline. This is one to watch with the family!
(I don't know why the text is small here - I've tried my best to edit it but nothing makes a difference :( )
Don't Breathe
"He's blind and rich -- the perfect target for robbery. But the tables turn when three teen thieves find themselves in a lethal game of cat and mouse."
Don't breathe? I COULD NOT PHYSICALLY BREATHE throughout the whole 1h 28m the first time I watched this! If you are looking for a movie rich in suspense with the occasional plot twist, this is for you. It will genuinely have you on the edge of your seat.
Identity Thief
"When Sandy Patterson in Colorado is accused of crimes he hasn't committed, he must track down the "Sandy Patterson" in Florida who has -- in his name."
This movie is hilarious. Melissa McCarthy is phenomenal, as per. Watch this if you are in desperate need of a laugh because it will not disappoint!
Tau
"Kidnapped by an inventor who uses her as a test subject to perfect his robotic AI, a street-smart young woman tries to escape her high-tech prison."
I really didn't think I'd enjoy this movie because I find the Sci-Fi/Sci-Fi Thriller genre to be a bit hit and miss. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the depth and uniqueness of Tau. To be honest, I found the very beginning of the movie pretty boring, but everything that happened after the 20 minute mark had me completely hooked. If you find artificial intelligence interesting, then you will most likely enjoy this movie. You will also most certainly come away from this movie needing your own 'Tau' in your life, f*ck Alexa! I will definitely be rewatching.
13 Going on 30
"When a geeky teen's birthday party goes awry and she makes a wish that she could be 40, she wakes up to discover she's flash-forwarded 17 years."
This movie is an oldie (released in 2004) but a goodie. I SCREAMED when I saw that this had been added to Netflix, because I first watched this movie when I was 9/10 years old and absolutely loved it. Watching it now in my early 20's made me experience all the nostalgia! I discovered it on Netflix at the perfect time too because it really helped lift my mood after a very difficult day. This movie will always hold a special place in my heart because I vividly remember this DVD being on my Gran's shelf. My Gran unfortunately passed away from cancer 7 years ago (in December) and when I miss her and want to feel close to her, I watch this. It's very cheesy in places, but what romcom isn't? This may have been released in 2004, but it's still very relevant. I urge you to watch this.
The Intern
"Harried fashion entrepreneur Jules gets a surprise boost from Ben, a 70-year-old widower who answers an ad seeking a senior intern."
This movie made me laugh, cry and beam from ear to ear. This is such a touching and heartfelt film that conveys the importance of the older generation's experience and wisdom not only in business/work, but also just in life in general. Robert De Niro's character (Ben) is extremely lovable and cute and Anne Hathaway's character (Jules) is simply the definition of a GIRL BOSS. This movie will alleviate any stress after a particularly long or challenging day because it's lighthearted and amusing with little suspense or action (unlike the next and final movie on the list...)
The Belko Experiment
I really didn't think I'd enjoy this movie because I find the Sci-Fi/Sci-Fi Thriller genre to be a bit hit and miss. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the depth and uniqueness of Tau. To be honest, I found the very beginning of the movie pretty boring, but everything that happened after the 20 minute mark had me completely hooked. If you find artificial intelligence interesting, then you will most likely enjoy this movie. You will also most certainly come away from this movie needing your own 'Tau' in your life, f*ck Alexa! I will definitely be rewatching.
13 Going on 30
"When a geeky teen's birthday party goes awry and she makes a wish that she could be 40, she wakes up to discover she's flash-forwarded 17 years."
This movie is an oldie (released in 2004) but a goodie. I SCREAMED when I saw that this had been added to Netflix, because I first watched this movie when I was 9/10 years old and absolutely loved it. Watching it now in my early 20's made me experience all the nostalgia! I discovered it on Netflix at the perfect time too because it really helped lift my mood after a very difficult day. This movie will always hold a special place in my heart because I vividly remember this DVD being on my Gran's shelf. My Gran unfortunately passed away from cancer 7 years ago (in December) and when I miss her and want to feel close to her, I watch this. It's very cheesy in places, but what romcom isn't? This may have been released in 2004, but it's still very relevant. I urge you to watch this.
The Intern
"Harried fashion entrepreneur Jules gets a surprise boost from Ben, a 70-year-old widower who answers an ad seeking a senior intern."
This movie made me laugh, cry and beam from ear to ear. This is such a touching and heartfelt film that conveys the importance of the older generation's experience and wisdom not only in business/work, but also just in life in general. Robert De Niro's character (Ben) is extremely lovable and cute and Anne Hathaway's character (Jules) is simply the definition of a GIRL BOSS. This movie will alleviate any stress after a particularly long or challenging day because it's lighthearted and amusing with little suspense or action (unlike the next and final movie on the list...)
The Belko Experiment
"Instructed via intercom to kill two people in the next half hour, 80 American expats in Bogotá turn on each other in a desperate attempt to survive."
This movie is not for the faint hearted. It's gory af (like seriously, if you don't like blood, do not watch this because it is SO realistic) and extremely violent. However, if you can tolerate those two things and enjoy a good thriller/horror, this is a movie you should definitely add to your watch list. I wouldn't say that the ending was particularly 'ground breaking', but it left me feeling a little uneasy. Watch this at your own risk *laughs nervously*.
This movie is not for the faint hearted. It's gory af (like seriously, if you don't like blood, do not watch this because it is SO realistic) and extremely violent. However, if you can tolerate those two things and enjoy a good thriller/horror, this is a movie you should definitely add to your watch list. I wouldn't say that the ending was particularly 'ground breaking', but it left me feeling a little uneasy. Watch this at your own risk *laughs nervously*.
So, what are you waiting for? Go and grab yourself a drink, some snacks, a blanket and cosy up with Netflix.You can find me over on my Twitter (@grandesmotel) or Instagram (@emviolxt) - let me know whether you watch any of my recommendations and send me your movie suggestions too! We can have a little chat over there.
Take care, Emma x
Take care, Emma x
I've wanted to upload a blog post like this for some time. The desire to write this post intensified following personal, first-hand experience of mental health deterioration, which has been met by diminishing responses and harsh judgement versus the support and encouragement that was actually required. Despite the numerous 'mental health awareness days' and now even 'mental health awareness weeks' dotted around the annual calendar and a few significant, successful mental health campaigns, there is still so much misunderstanding and ignorance in our society when it comes to understanding and/or supporting those of us with mental health issues. I am sick to death of mental health being regarded as less important than physical health. The brain is one of the most important organs in our body, yet most of us neglect it. Taking time off for a 'mental health day' is not the same as taking time off sick because you have the flu or have a stomach virus. Why? Even someone like myself who struggles with 'Generalised Anxiety Disorder' and who gets excruciating stomach pain, nausea and feverish symptoms as a result of my anxiety would still feel guilty taking time off of Uni, unless, of course, the origin of those symptoms belonged to some form of stomach virus or 24 hour sickness bug (i.e. physical illness/cause). I'd feel much more comfortable looking after myself because of the latter reason, purely because physical health is more clearly understood and treated with far more empathy than mental health.
I wanted other individual's experiences to feature in this post, instead of making this post central to me and my personal mental health experience. Participating individuals briefly describe some of the judgement and misconceptions they have had to deal with in their daily lives. They also provide their honest and raw experiences with mental health and what they personally believe would help them feel more supported by others. A few lovely, courageous people have provided their responses below, so please do be respectful and sensitive when reading their experiences. It's still not easy to be honest about your mental health, because even though mental health awareness has improved in recent years, there is still significant progress to be made. I hope that the accounts below provide comfort to those of you suffering with a mental health issue and if you do not have a mental health issue yourself, I hope this post sheds some light on what it can really be like for someone suffering.
** Please note that everyone featured has given permission for their Twitter username to feature in this post. If 'Anonymous' appears, this individual requested for their personal identity to be hidden.**
What have people said about your mental health that is negative or inaccurate? Have they acted a certain way that is unhelpful?
"One of my tutors constantly belittles me. One of my triggers is travelling through Manchester City Center to get to campus and she thinks me studying at home 'won't help myself' yet whenever I do I feel 100% better. I also have a hard time remembering things (side effect) and she constantly picks at me for getting the smallest thing wrong and makes me feel stupid for it. Another tutor dismissed my fear of travelling to London for a trip after the terror attack level was raised by saying "I'm 99% sure it won't happen" yet he knows I was in the attack and how it has affected me. They also never check if I'm okay after talking about terrorism or if the Manchester attack gets brought up in class. -" @tearsleftocry (Twitter)
"I've once been told that my anxieties and overthinking are just in my head and when I told my teacher I was stressed about my exams, they said it was only normal and that it'll all be fine regardless and they never asked me again. I felt as if it was inconvenient for them to be dealing with me?" - Anonymous
"When I tell someone that I take lithium they are usually taken aback because it has a bad reputation, when in reality it is an amazing drug that has worked wonders for me, it just needs to be monitored. You can't really have a negative opinion on something when you aren't fully educated about it. Also when people use bipolar/depressed/manic/anxious as adjectives when they clearly aren't any of those things. It can be triggering for people who do suffer with those illnesses." - @strawbs267 (Twitter)
"Luckily I haven't had a lot of very negative experiences with people, in regards to my struggle with mental health. The people I have chosen to confide in have often been most helpful and supportive. However, I do feel that within my specific culture, mental health is considered to be this 'non-existent' concept. Many friends of the same culture have often laughed when I shared my experience with them & told me to 'grow a pair and move on'. People often don't take it seriously and consider it to be a myth that can just be shaken off or brushed away. I think it would be wonderful to reduce this particular sense of ignorance, perhaps from lack of knowledge on the illness. Educating in a way that reaches more cultures and societies that are perhaps not as exposed or aware of the cause and effects of mental health. Therefore, I really do feel that technology & social media hold a significant power towards this. In a generation now where a lot of the world have access to some form of social site, it can be actively used in a positive way as a platform to share & gain realisation in subjects such as mental health, that have been considered a taboo for much too long." - Anonymous
"I mainly get negative comments about my health anxiety and social anxiety. A lot of people think health anxiety or 'hypochondriasis' as it's known, are people who are simply wasting doctors time, being dramatic etc. This is the one mental health issues that I have that I try to avoid talking about because all I get back from people is "that's drama" or "you do realise you're wasting doctors time" or "stop making things up". It's extremely difficult to hear people say those words to me, especially when they call me a drama queen as I'm not dramatic, it's my mental health that's creating it. I'd rather not have it and it just dampens my mood further and makes me reluctant to go out of my home fearful that if I have to deal with an attack or if someone mentions it they will think I'm just drama and get a wrong impression of me and I'm also extremely afraid of people's opinions or making myself look like a fool too which rolls into my social anxiety and prolongs all of my anxious feelings." -@tylerlhiggy (Twitter)
"They said it was easy to control my own mind and how it thinks if I just tried hard enough. They didn't even consider emphasizing and imagining what I'm going through, it isn't just controlling my mind - it's my mind taking over no matter what I want or how I want to feel like. As much as a therapist can help you adjust to everyday life while struggling with your mental illnesses, it doesn't make them go away." - Anonymous
"I think the most common thing that people (friends, family) have said about my mental health issues is that it's not real. That I am simply overdramatizing situations and need to grow up. My parents would say that it's only the stress from Uni, the fear of what might come in the future, not "real health problems". In general, people close to me haven't shown much support except for my doctor and a few professors, who would come up to me after class to show me their supportive means. I learned to hide my anxiety and panic attacks from my parents since they witnessed one panic attack and decided to attack me even more while screaming at me for not being able to respond properly, only making the situation worse. Putting someone, who is suffering from a panic attack or severe anxiety, under pressure to respond, even if it's just a small text message, only makes the anxiety go up and your body automatically shuts down. Instead of pushing you to do something that only triggers your anxiety, let them breathe and do it in their own pace. People don't seem to understand that sometimes we just can't." - Anonymous
What would you like people to know about your actual experience with mental health i.e. symptoms, thoughts, daily/weekly struggles?
"I can't push myself too much with socialising and that isn't me being rude, it's just that I will literally explode if I am around too many people in a short space of time. Sometimes I have to remove myself from situations and get some air - again not being rude. I have to take tablets every evening which can be annoying if I'm out and about and I usually do it in a subtle way to avoid anyone staring. I like to think of my issues as quirks that I just have to deal with and I think it's good for other people to look at them in that way too - to be aware that sometimes a panic attack/a low mood might occur but to know that it will pass eventually and it doesn't define who I am." - @strawbs267 (Twitter)
"That it's not easy. Some days can be great but others can be literal hell, just because I seem happy one week doesn't mean I have 'got better'. I'm not putting anything on or exaggerating my symptoms, if it's more visible it's a cry for help NOT attention. My daily/weekly struggles are very different to the mental health you would have normally dealt with, so the smallest of things can trigger me or push me over the edge." - @tearsleftocry (Twitter)
"I want people to know that we cannot control our mental health. For me, I think I've been anxious my whole life even as a baby but I've only ever noticed the actual anxiety when I graduated from high school. My thoughts would start running and never stop, my heart beat would randomly increase and a lump form in my throat as if somebody was choking me. I'd get all shaky and everything around me would be too much to handle. Usually I'd have trouble with my stomach as well which would only increase the anxiety, start trouble with eating patterns and affect my mood in the long run. It's been three years since those symptoms first started showing up and it would be easy to say that every day is a struggle, but it's not to be honest. Some days are fine, some days are not fine at all. Every day is different. Nevertheless, I learned to deal with it better than I did in the last years. A huge part of the anxiety which leads to panic attacks and even depression is the feeling of not being able to have control over your own life. You're living a life that you think, is not your own because it is dominated by the constant struggles that make it hard for you to even obtain a normal social life. Your own family doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand, friends leave because they're sick of waiting and most doctor's I've been to just don't know what to tell you. You're pretty much alone with your struggles most of the time because society still doesn't see mental health issues as real issues. Just because someone looks happy and seems to be living the perfect life, it doesn't mean that they're not struggling with their mental health. Just because I can go to uni and to work, doesn't mean that I haven't just been crying my eyes out for three hours straight and barely slept the night before because of all the panic attacks and depressing thoughts that have been running through my mind. We're humans and we're masters in hiding what's really going on inside of us. If I don't want somebody to know what's going on inside of me in that very moment because I know that that person would not understand my mental health issues, I'm a pro at hiding them. And I'm sure most of us are, because we have to. Otherwise, we wouldn't be accepted in society. Everybody has different struggles even though they might suffer from the same mental health issues. For me, I can't go to the movies without freaking out because of all the people in the theatre, the darkness and the constant feeling of fear. I don't know what I am afraid of, it is just there. Calling people on the phone is practically unbearable. Driving a car? I'd start sweating and panting, shaking like crazy, not being able to calm down my thoughts. Already the thought of being behind a car again, makes me start to get anxious. I never had an accident, a bad experience in a theatre or on the phone, yet my body reacts like that. It's the little things that make it hard for us to go through a normal day because it's not something we chose, but something that simply happens." - Anonymous
"It's very easy to just throw everyone going through something under an umbrella & assume they're all identical in their struggles. This is simply not true, my experience with depression will be entirely different to that of another person. Sure, there are some common factors and symptoms that allow for a basis to relate on & help one another to overcome. But we do not ask to be thrown into a mental struggle and we don't want to have to live with it on a daily basis. But it happens & sometimes you just have to let it be, take it a day at a time and work to overcome it. So many of my days, for the past 2 years, have been spent in tears and self hatred. Days I can't take back, but you can't dwell on things that aren't tangible. Therefore, we can only look forward in a hopeful & positive light. It's what keeps us going & allows us to overcome everything that hinders us from being ourselves. Through my own experience & the witnessing of others, I know for sure how real the pain of mental health is. But I also know that every single person going through something can overcome & triumph and that's what makes human beings so special. We just have to be kinder to ourselves and left life run its course, everything will turn out in the end." - Anonymous
"I've been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 disorder, generalised anxiety, social anxiety, health anxiety, psychotic disorder and OCD. I've been diagnosed with bipolar, psychotic disorder and generalised and social anxiety for 8 years and only recently diagnosed with health anxiety and OCD in the last year. I think many people these days do deal with some sort of mental health issue, but each individual is different and how they try to deal with it. When I was first diagnosed I was terrified of even saying I was diagnosed with an actual mental health disorder because of the stigma that was attached to it. In high school I always suffered from panic attacks and people started to catch on to what was happening to me (even before I knew what was happening to myself) and they severely bullied me and made rumours about how I tried to jump off of a train track when I went shopping one day etc. and it just got that bad that we had to take me out of school and for me to lose a ton of friends AND to be diagnosed with a mental health condition only worsened my loneliness and so for many years I'd just stay in and hibernate and if I ever went anywhere it was with my mam but even sometimes my anxiety (generalised and social) would even stop me doing that and so I felt trapped. It's only as I've gotten older and having to live with it day in and day out that I learn and find ways to cope with it. As I said some days are a massive struggle where I just stay in bed all day and cry and sleep and cry and sleep. I constantly have racing thoughts which can very quickly change to extremely depressive state. I’m always 100mph in my brain and it’s constantly overthinking everything. My mam has to keep my bank account card because my bipolar can make me want to spend impulsively (recently I got myself in so much debt so she has to have it now). She also has to hide any tablets or medications because my moods can change very fast to where I want to kill myself by OD (something I’ve tried to do 3 times in the past and ended up in hospital and then sectioned on the 3rd time) Sometimes it can change fast or sometimes it can last days, months or years. My anxiety is always constantly there whether it’s social , general or health I never get a break from anxiety it’s literally my worst enemy I feel dizzy all the time, constant migraines, feeling of detachment and derealization and if I’m not worrying about socialising then I’m worry about when I’m going to die, how I’m going to die (this is all down to my health anxiety) however I do find listening to positive upbeat music helps and also I try to workout even though some days I may not be able to because my mind and body are just that exhausted and I also find that reading a CBT self help book helps me! It’s always going to be there but It’s all about finding a way that works for you and keep staying strong." - @tylerlhiggy (Twitter)
"Over analysing situations definitely, comparing myself to others, believing myself to be very negative around people meaning I have to cut myself off because of it, lack of eating and sleeping, not being able to recognise myself and zoning out of situations and not knowing what is reality and what I've made up in my head." - Anonymous
What response would you find helpful from others when you're struggling? What should they know?
"I think the response I'd like to get from people is just their time to listen and to realise how people with mental health issues aren't just being drama queens or being selfish or feeling sorry for themselves. I think it's important for people who have mental health issues to not feel alone or feel afraid to speak to someone. Maybe a simple positive quote on someone's tweet or insta could help or knowing you're there to talk." - @tylerlhiggy (Twitter)
"I'm currently talking to my college counsellor and she is actually really helpful, I just wish she could offer me a bit more advice and solutions if she could. Recommendations of books or films of some kind which I could relate to would be good I think, also more in-depth lessons in colleges and schools and to not believe that being stressed is just 'normal'. - Anonymous
"It's always nice to know that someone else understands you and what you might be going through. It's common to be misjudged & I think we are all guilty of doing it at some point in our lives. But it's a mistake to learn from and to better the way we treat one another as a society. We all have more in common than we like to admit & it would be so much better if everyone were to see the common ground we do have. It would diminish any misconceptions and allow us all to be in a more open and inclusive state. We are often afraid to share parts of ourselves with others because it makes us vulnerable. But from recently being more honest about myself, I have found that vulnerability isn't a bad thing at all, it doesn't make us weaker in any way. If anything, it makes us strong, building courage and nobility with ourselves and the ones we care about most. It's a 'weight off of your shoulders' the moment you voice your struggles with mental health out loud. A problem shared is a problem halved, not in sense of burdening another with your pain. But instead creating a network of support & ease for them in turn to confide in you about themselves, their trials may be more similar to yours than you think. We all have a struggle & we're all in the same world together, so it's never too late to start being honest about it." - Anonymous
"Just ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, let me know if there’s anything I can do’ is appreciated. Also encouragement that it will pass - even if I don’t think it will - because it always does!" - @strawbs267 (Twitter)
"Honestly, just acceptance would already be enough. If I knew that I could go to my parents or my friends or someone I love without being judged, that would be a huge success. Knowing that even if I have a bad day, I will not get kicked out of University for missing a school day or lose my job for being late would be a great relief too but that's never going to happen. This world simply needs to show each other more love, support and acceptance in order for everyone to live a happy life." - Anonymous
"Just be there physically. I don't need you asking me if I'm fine every 2 seconds of if I want any water. It helps to just stay quiet but to show you're present and you're there if anything (even) worse happens. It helps if you put one hand on my shoulder or just basically make sure I'm aware that you're around. It helps to calm someone in a non-verbal way. Talking just makes me, personally, cry even more." - Anonymous
"Do your research. Understand how difficult it is for people having to deal with these battles everyday. Allow me to feel how I do without feeling bad for it or feeling like a failure; I can't control how I feel so I shouldn't have to put myself down for something I can't control. Understand that it's not something that goes away after a few months, it can take years to go away if not stay with you forever. And lastly: I'm not being lazy, take a second to picture yourself in my situation and mind, then understand how a normal day to you is a battle for me." - @tearsleftocry (Twitter)
Useful Support Contacts if yourself or anyone you know is currently struggling with mental health (UK based):
MIND (Charity) Have a Whole List of Mental Health Helplines (CLICK HERE)
Some of which are listed here:
Anxiety UK | 03444 775 774 (Infoline, available Mon-Fri, 9:30am-5:30pm) | 07537 416 905 (Text Service) (Help support individuals with a range of anxiety issues i.e. OCD, Panic Attacks/Panic Disorder, Health Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)/Social Phobia, Stress and more)
Beat (Beat Eating Disorders) | 0808 801 0677 (Helpline, open daily 3pm-10pm) | 0808 801 0711 (Youthline, open daily 3pm-10pm) | 0808 801 0811 (Studentline)
Bipolar UK | 020 7931 6480 (Bipolar UK are a charity that specifically provide support and information to individuals struggling with Bipolar disorder as well as their friends and family.)
CALM | The Campaign Against Living Miserably (Aimed at men between the ages of 17 and 35)
Samaritans | 116 123 (freephone) | jo@samaritans.org (A safe place for individuals to talk about any issue - note: you do not have to be suicidal to call or contact the Samaritans)
Papyrus HOPEline | 0800 068 4141 (Information and relevant support for individuals under the age of 35 specifically struggling with suicidal feelings and self-injury)
Take care of yourselves,
Emma x
(P.S. You'll get through this, better days are on their way!)
What have people said about your mental health that is negative or inaccurate? Have they acted a certain way that is unhelpful?
"One of my tutors constantly belittles me. One of my triggers is travelling through Manchester City Center to get to campus and she thinks me studying at home 'won't help myself' yet whenever I do I feel 100% better. I also have a hard time remembering things (side effect) and she constantly picks at me for getting the smallest thing wrong and makes me feel stupid for it. Another tutor dismissed my fear of travelling to London for a trip after the terror attack level was raised by saying "I'm 99% sure it won't happen" yet he knows I was in the attack and how it has affected me. They also never check if I'm okay after talking about terrorism or if the Manchester attack gets brought up in class. -" @tearsleftocry (Twitter)
"I've once been told that my anxieties and overthinking are just in my head and when I told my teacher I was stressed about my exams, they said it was only normal and that it'll all be fine regardless and they never asked me again. I felt as if it was inconvenient for them to be dealing with me?" - Anonymous
"When I tell someone that I take lithium they are usually taken aback because it has a bad reputation, when in reality it is an amazing drug that has worked wonders for me, it just needs to be monitored. You can't really have a negative opinion on something when you aren't fully educated about it. Also when people use bipolar/depressed/manic/anxious as adjectives when they clearly aren't any of those things. It can be triggering for people who do suffer with those illnesses." - @strawbs267 (Twitter)
"Luckily I haven't had a lot of very negative experiences with people, in regards to my struggle with mental health. The people I have chosen to confide in have often been most helpful and supportive. However, I do feel that within my specific culture, mental health is considered to be this 'non-existent' concept. Many friends of the same culture have often laughed when I shared my experience with them & told me to 'grow a pair and move on'. People often don't take it seriously and consider it to be a myth that can just be shaken off or brushed away. I think it would be wonderful to reduce this particular sense of ignorance, perhaps from lack of knowledge on the illness. Educating in a way that reaches more cultures and societies that are perhaps not as exposed or aware of the cause and effects of mental health. Therefore, I really do feel that technology & social media hold a significant power towards this. In a generation now where a lot of the world have access to some form of social site, it can be actively used in a positive way as a platform to share & gain realisation in subjects such as mental health, that have been considered a taboo for much too long." - Anonymous
"I mainly get negative comments about my health anxiety and social anxiety. A lot of people think health anxiety or 'hypochondriasis' as it's known, are people who are simply wasting doctors time, being dramatic etc. This is the one mental health issues that I have that I try to avoid talking about because all I get back from people is "that's drama" or "you do realise you're wasting doctors time" or "stop making things up". It's extremely difficult to hear people say those words to me, especially when they call me a drama queen as I'm not dramatic, it's my mental health that's creating it. I'd rather not have it and it just dampens my mood further and makes me reluctant to go out of my home fearful that if I have to deal with an attack or if someone mentions it they will think I'm just drama and get a wrong impression of me and I'm also extremely afraid of people's opinions or making myself look like a fool too which rolls into my social anxiety and prolongs all of my anxious feelings." -@tylerlhiggy (Twitter)
"They said it was easy to control my own mind and how it thinks if I just tried hard enough. They didn't even consider emphasizing and imagining what I'm going through, it isn't just controlling my mind - it's my mind taking over no matter what I want or how I want to feel like. As much as a therapist can help you adjust to everyday life while struggling with your mental illnesses, it doesn't make them go away." - Anonymous
"I think the most common thing that people (friends, family) have said about my mental health issues is that it's not real. That I am simply overdramatizing situations and need to grow up. My parents would say that it's only the stress from Uni, the fear of what might come in the future, not "real health problems". In general, people close to me haven't shown much support except for my doctor and a few professors, who would come up to me after class to show me their supportive means. I learned to hide my anxiety and panic attacks from my parents since they witnessed one panic attack and decided to attack me even more while screaming at me for not being able to respond properly, only making the situation worse. Putting someone, who is suffering from a panic attack or severe anxiety, under pressure to respond, even if it's just a small text message, only makes the anxiety go up and your body automatically shuts down. Instead of pushing you to do something that only triggers your anxiety, let them breathe and do it in their own pace. People don't seem to understand that sometimes we just can't." - Anonymous
What would you like people to know about your actual experience with mental health i.e. symptoms, thoughts, daily/weekly struggles?
"I can't push myself too much with socialising and that isn't me being rude, it's just that I will literally explode if I am around too many people in a short space of time. Sometimes I have to remove myself from situations and get some air - again not being rude. I have to take tablets every evening which can be annoying if I'm out and about and I usually do it in a subtle way to avoid anyone staring. I like to think of my issues as quirks that I just have to deal with and I think it's good for other people to look at them in that way too - to be aware that sometimes a panic attack/a low mood might occur but to know that it will pass eventually and it doesn't define who I am." - @strawbs267 (Twitter)
"That it's not easy. Some days can be great but others can be literal hell, just because I seem happy one week doesn't mean I have 'got better'. I'm not putting anything on or exaggerating my symptoms, if it's more visible it's a cry for help NOT attention. My daily/weekly struggles are very different to the mental health you would have normally dealt with, so the smallest of things can trigger me or push me over the edge." - @tearsleftocry (Twitter)
"I want people to know that we cannot control our mental health. For me, I think I've been anxious my whole life even as a baby but I've only ever noticed the actual anxiety when I graduated from high school. My thoughts would start running and never stop, my heart beat would randomly increase and a lump form in my throat as if somebody was choking me. I'd get all shaky and everything around me would be too much to handle. Usually I'd have trouble with my stomach as well which would only increase the anxiety, start trouble with eating patterns and affect my mood in the long run. It's been three years since those symptoms first started showing up and it would be easy to say that every day is a struggle, but it's not to be honest. Some days are fine, some days are not fine at all. Every day is different. Nevertheless, I learned to deal with it better than I did in the last years. A huge part of the anxiety which leads to panic attacks and even depression is the feeling of not being able to have control over your own life. You're living a life that you think, is not your own because it is dominated by the constant struggles that make it hard for you to even obtain a normal social life. Your own family doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand, friends leave because they're sick of waiting and most doctor's I've been to just don't know what to tell you. You're pretty much alone with your struggles most of the time because society still doesn't see mental health issues as real issues. Just because someone looks happy and seems to be living the perfect life, it doesn't mean that they're not struggling with their mental health. Just because I can go to uni and to work, doesn't mean that I haven't just been crying my eyes out for three hours straight and barely slept the night before because of all the panic attacks and depressing thoughts that have been running through my mind. We're humans and we're masters in hiding what's really going on inside of us. If I don't want somebody to know what's going on inside of me in that very moment because I know that that person would not understand my mental health issues, I'm a pro at hiding them. And I'm sure most of us are, because we have to. Otherwise, we wouldn't be accepted in society. Everybody has different struggles even though they might suffer from the same mental health issues. For me, I can't go to the movies without freaking out because of all the people in the theatre, the darkness and the constant feeling of fear. I don't know what I am afraid of, it is just there. Calling people on the phone is practically unbearable. Driving a car? I'd start sweating and panting, shaking like crazy, not being able to calm down my thoughts. Already the thought of being behind a car again, makes me start to get anxious. I never had an accident, a bad experience in a theatre or on the phone, yet my body reacts like that. It's the little things that make it hard for us to go through a normal day because it's not something we chose, but something that simply happens." - Anonymous
"It's very easy to just throw everyone going through something under an umbrella & assume they're all identical in their struggles. This is simply not true, my experience with depression will be entirely different to that of another person. Sure, there are some common factors and symptoms that allow for a basis to relate on & help one another to overcome. But we do not ask to be thrown into a mental struggle and we don't want to have to live with it on a daily basis. But it happens & sometimes you just have to let it be, take it a day at a time and work to overcome it. So many of my days, for the past 2 years, have been spent in tears and self hatred. Days I can't take back, but you can't dwell on things that aren't tangible. Therefore, we can only look forward in a hopeful & positive light. It's what keeps us going & allows us to overcome everything that hinders us from being ourselves. Through my own experience & the witnessing of others, I know for sure how real the pain of mental health is. But I also know that every single person going through something can overcome & triumph and that's what makes human beings so special. We just have to be kinder to ourselves and left life run its course, everything will turn out in the end." - Anonymous
"I've been diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 disorder, generalised anxiety, social anxiety, health anxiety, psychotic disorder and OCD. I've been diagnosed with bipolar, psychotic disorder and generalised and social anxiety for 8 years and only recently diagnosed with health anxiety and OCD in the last year. I think many people these days do deal with some sort of mental health issue, but each individual is different and how they try to deal with it. When I was first diagnosed I was terrified of even saying I was diagnosed with an actual mental health disorder because of the stigma that was attached to it. In high school I always suffered from panic attacks and people started to catch on to what was happening to me (even before I knew what was happening to myself) and they severely bullied me and made rumours about how I tried to jump off of a train track when I went shopping one day etc. and it just got that bad that we had to take me out of school and for me to lose a ton of friends AND to be diagnosed with a mental health condition only worsened my loneliness and so for many years I'd just stay in and hibernate and if I ever went anywhere it was with my mam but even sometimes my anxiety (generalised and social) would even stop me doing that and so I felt trapped. It's only as I've gotten older and having to live with it day in and day out that I learn and find ways to cope with it. As I said some days are a massive struggle where I just stay in bed all day and cry and sleep and cry and sleep. I constantly have racing thoughts which can very quickly change to extremely depressive state. I’m always 100mph in my brain and it’s constantly overthinking everything. My mam has to keep my bank account card because my bipolar can make me want to spend impulsively (recently I got myself in so much debt so she has to have it now). She also has to hide any tablets or medications because my moods can change very fast to where I want to kill myself by OD (something I’ve tried to do 3 times in the past and ended up in hospital and then sectioned on the 3rd time) Sometimes it can change fast or sometimes it can last days, months or years. My anxiety is always constantly there whether it’s social , general or health I never get a break from anxiety it’s literally my worst enemy I feel dizzy all the time, constant migraines, feeling of detachment and derealization and if I’m not worrying about socialising then I’m worry about when I’m going to die, how I’m going to die (this is all down to my health anxiety) however I do find listening to positive upbeat music helps and also I try to workout even though some days I may not be able to because my mind and body are just that exhausted and I also find that reading a CBT self help book helps me! It’s always going to be there but It’s all about finding a way that works for you and keep staying strong." - @tylerlhiggy (Twitter)
"Over analysing situations definitely, comparing myself to others, believing myself to be very negative around people meaning I have to cut myself off because of it, lack of eating and sleeping, not being able to recognise myself and zoning out of situations and not knowing what is reality and what I've made up in my head." - Anonymous
What response would you find helpful from others when you're struggling? What should they know?
"I think the response I'd like to get from people is just their time to listen and to realise how people with mental health issues aren't just being drama queens or being selfish or feeling sorry for themselves. I think it's important for people who have mental health issues to not feel alone or feel afraid to speak to someone. Maybe a simple positive quote on someone's tweet or insta could help or knowing you're there to talk." - @tylerlhiggy (Twitter)
"I'm currently talking to my college counsellor and she is actually really helpful, I just wish she could offer me a bit more advice and solutions if she could. Recommendations of books or films of some kind which I could relate to would be good I think, also more in-depth lessons in colleges and schools and to not believe that being stressed is just 'normal'. - Anonymous
"It's always nice to know that someone else understands you and what you might be going through. It's common to be misjudged & I think we are all guilty of doing it at some point in our lives. But it's a mistake to learn from and to better the way we treat one another as a society. We all have more in common than we like to admit & it would be so much better if everyone were to see the common ground we do have. It would diminish any misconceptions and allow us all to be in a more open and inclusive state. We are often afraid to share parts of ourselves with others because it makes us vulnerable. But from recently being more honest about myself, I have found that vulnerability isn't a bad thing at all, it doesn't make us weaker in any way. If anything, it makes us strong, building courage and nobility with ourselves and the ones we care about most. It's a 'weight off of your shoulders' the moment you voice your struggles with mental health out loud. A problem shared is a problem halved, not in sense of burdening another with your pain. But instead creating a network of support & ease for them in turn to confide in you about themselves, their trials may be more similar to yours than you think. We all have a struggle & we're all in the same world together, so it's never too late to start being honest about it." - Anonymous
"Just ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, let me know if there’s anything I can do’ is appreciated. Also encouragement that it will pass - even if I don’t think it will - because it always does!" - @strawbs267 (Twitter)
"Honestly, just acceptance would already be enough. If I knew that I could go to my parents or my friends or someone I love without being judged, that would be a huge success. Knowing that even if I have a bad day, I will not get kicked out of University for missing a school day or lose my job for being late would be a great relief too but that's never going to happen. This world simply needs to show each other more love, support and acceptance in order for everyone to live a happy life." - Anonymous
"Just be there physically. I don't need you asking me if I'm fine every 2 seconds of if I want any water. It helps to just stay quiet but to show you're present and you're there if anything (even) worse happens. It helps if you put one hand on my shoulder or just basically make sure I'm aware that you're around. It helps to calm someone in a non-verbal way. Talking just makes me, personally, cry even more." - Anonymous
"Do your research. Understand how difficult it is for people having to deal with these battles everyday. Allow me to feel how I do without feeling bad for it or feeling like a failure; I can't control how I feel so I shouldn't have to put myself down for something I can't control. Understand that it's not something that goes away after a few months, it can take years to go away if not stay with you forever. And lastly: I'm not being lazy, take a second to picture yourself in my situation and mind, then understand how a normal day to you is a battle for me." - @tearsleftocry (Twitter)
Useful Support Contacts if yourself or anyone you know is currently struggling with mental health (UK based):
MIND (Charity) Have a Whole List of Mental Health Helplines (CLICK HERE)
Some of which are listed here:
Anxiety UK | 03444 775 774 (Infoline, available Mon-Fri, 9:30am-5:30pm) | 07537 416 905 (Text Service) (Help support individuals with a range of anxiety issues i.e. OCD, Panic Attacks/Panic Disorder, Health Anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)/Social Phobia, Stress and more)
Beat (Beat Eating Disorders) | 0808 801 0677 (Helpline, open daily 3pm-10pm) | 0808 801 0711 (Youthline, open daily 3pm-10pm) | 0808 801 0811 (Studentline)
Bipolar UK | 020 7931 6480 (Bipolar UK are a charity that specifically provide support and information to individuals struggling with Bipolar disorder as well as their friends and family.)
CALM | The Campaign Against Living Miserably (Aimed at men between the ages of 17 and 35)
Samaritans | 116 123 (freephone) | jo@samaritans.org (A safe place for individuals to talk about any issue - note: you do not have to be suicidal to call or contact the Samaritans)
Papyrus HOPEline | 0800 068 4141 (Information and relevant support for individuals under the age of 35 specifically struggling with suicidal feelings and self-injury)
Take care of yourselves,
Emma x
(P.S. You'll get through this, better days are on their way!)
Hello everyone, I hope you are all well.
Today's post is a Q&A collaboration with Katie ('blossomandaisyy'). We both asked our followers on Instagram to ask us questions that we could answer in a blog post. Katie has a really beautiful and aesthetic blog that is beauty, fashion and lifestyle related. Her posts are genuinely so lovely and easy to follow and I particularly love the lifestyle theme of her posts she has uploaded so far this year. Both Katie and her blog honestly deserve a lot more recognition, so please make sure you pop over and visit by clicking 'here'. There will also be a blog post for you to read with her answers to the same questions listed below.
Note: The brackets contain the Instagram username of the person who asked each question. Thank you so much if you did comment on either mine or Katie's post!
Note: The brackets contain the Instagram username of the person who asked each question. Thank you so much if you did comment on either mine or Katie's post!
Q: How has your 2017 started? ('gracexkate')
A: Challenging and frightening, but also headed in the right, positive direction.
Q: What inspired you to create a blog? ('xxbandobsessedxx')
A: I wanted a creative space on the Internet that would allow me to express who I am and connect with people that have similar interests. Also seeing how other bloggers had designed their blogs, the high quality pictures they took and the amazing posts they created was really inspiring to me, and I just knew I wanted to do that. As much as I love YouTube and filming videos, having a blog holds a special place in my heart because I think I'll always be far superior at writing in comparison to verbally expressing myself.
Q: Favourite beauty brand? ('theaveragegurlx')
A: Ohhhh this is tough... maybe either NYX or Urban Decay.
Q: When did you start wearing makeup? ('floralbeautyguru')
A: I think I started wearing makeup when I was 13/14, but didn't start doing it properly (as in a full face of makeup) until I was 17.
Q: Best childhood memory? ('helenarenzulli')
A: When I used to go over to my grandparents house practically all of the time and play games with them. I treasure these memories now that my gran is no longer here (technically more than one memory, but these are the best I have ~ I also have a pretty crap memory).
Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? ('floralbeautyguru')
A: Hopefully in a full-time job that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning! I also hope that I will have passed my driving test and feel comfortable behind the wheel of a car.
Q: Future job you hope to achieve? ('blondeblogger18')
A: Either something Psychology related or becoming a writer.
Q: What are your 3 hopes for your life? ('bundleofsurprises')
A: To be successful, to be loved/respected and to manage my health issues more positively.
Q: What is your biggest achievement? ('myblurredworld')
A: I'd like to say getting half a million reads on my story 'Signed Anonymous', although coming top of the year with the highest grade for Psychology at A Level comes a very close second!
My question for anyone reading this post is 'Where is your safe place?' ~ you can either leave it in the comments below or tweet me @veramyfarmiga !!
Best wishes, Emma x
Hello everyone, hope you are all well. I definitely think this is the most exciting blog post I have ever written! It is an honour to be given the opportunity to write this post and share with you, Peter James and his fantastic work. (DISCLAIMER: all opinions are my own)
Peter James is an international best selling author of crime fiction novels. Copies of his books have been incredibly successful across the globe, with 11 UK 'Sunday Times' number ones, number ones in countries such as Germany, Canada & Russia, as well as achieving the title of New York Times best-seller. If that wasn't enough to impress you, his latest book 'Love You Dead' went straight to number one immediately after publishing! This is just the latest installment in his award winning 'Roy Grace' series, which has sold 18 million copies world wide. The series centres around 'Detective Superintendent Roy Grace', his team members and the chilling crimes they are challenged with solving. Each book revolves around a different crime story, keeping the story lines fresh and enthralling. However, threads of Roy Grace's life, particularly his missing wife Sandy - or more importantly his goldfish 'Marlon' - are expertly woven into each novel.
My mum started reading Peter's books many years ago, and I seem to remember always being intrigued as to what was behind the macabre, mysterious front covers that I was faced with. I could always tell when she was reading another 'Roy Grace' novel, due to the running theme of 'Dead' always cropping up somewhere in the title! I had been told on a number of occasions that I would enjoy Peter's books due to my interest in crime, forensics, the paranormal and also the fact that some of my own stories (published on Wattpad) are within the thriller genre. It wasn't until January this year that I finally got a chance to sit down and read my first Peter James book. I decided to give 'The House on Cold Hill' a read whilst at University, a stand alone book, which doesn't belong to his popular Roy Grace series. Initially, I consciously decided not to read the first Roy Grace book 'Dead Simple' as I had a feeling that I would get far too engrossed in the series and have the obsession cause me to neglect my studies. The House on Cold Hill was brilliant by the way, I read it during breaks between revision for my Spring exams and found myself always looking forward to reading the next couple of chapters. It has a very clever storyline, with many twists and turns. I'd definitely recommend this book if you enjoy delving into the world of the paranormal or you are seeking a spine-chilling novel, that will have you nervously glancing over your shoulder whilst you read it.
From reading that novel, I found Peter's writing both enjoyable and engaging. It is descriptive (illustrating evidence of his thorough research), yet captivating and easy to follow at the same time. My same impressions and feelings were reinforced when finally starting the Roy Grace series this summer. So far, I have greedily blitzed my way through a couple of the books, and I can hand on heart say, they are absolute page turners. There is the perfect concoction of suspense, humour, romance and mystery, all of which will leave you yearning for more. I also love the range of characters and the various personalities, some of whom remind me of people I know in my real life. In addition, it is fantastic to be able to read multiple character perspectives and 'step into their shoes' throughout certain chapters. This makes the story more riveting, as you are not just reading the protagonist's view point. I believe people from all ages will take pleasure in reading Roy Grace, as there is something for everyone to take away from each book. However, I must warn you that this series is not designed for the faint hearted!
To sum up, the Roy Grace books are well, 'Dead Good' (future title perhaps?)!
Peter and his wife Lara, were kind enough to send me some signed books and a few other lovely bits and bobs which I am very grateful for. You can see my Tweet about it here! I'm definitely going to wear my 'Team Roy Grace' cap when I visit Brighton & Hove next summer for my 21st birthday! In addition to the bundle, I was fortunate enough to ask Peter a few questions. I was delighted to receive some very intriguing and insightful responses, as you will read below. I'd especially suggest taking the time to read his answer to the first question, I guarantee that you will learn something new! Moreover, those of you who are aspiring writers like myself, take note of Peter's advice in the second question. Finally, if you're curious about the next Roy Grace book being published in May 2017, have a look at the snippet Peter has shared about the running theme for the new book.
Q&A:
Which book out of the Roy Grace series did you enjoy writing most and why?
I genuinely enjoy writing them all... but if I have to choose I would say the most fun was 'Love You Dead’. The central character, Jodie Bentley, is a true “black widow”. A woman in her mid-thirties, who has made it her mission in life to become very seriously rich, and who sets out to achieve this by targeting on the internet, snaring, marrying and then despatching rich, elderly men. To achieve this without detection she has developed a number of false identities. My research took me on a journey through the world of internet dating, into the complexities of the Financial Crimes Units of the City of London Police and of Sussex Police, into the Proceeds of Crime legislation which has had a devastatingly effective impact on the criminal world, giving the Police far-reaching new powers to seize the assets of criminals. Prior to this legislation a criminal could make a calculated judgment on risk and reward, emerging from a long prison sentence to tax free riches. But no longer. In the course of researching how to obtain a false identity, I had an entertaining, if bizarre lunch, with a former banknote, driving licence and passport forger, Dave Henty and the man who arrested him, a detective called Graham Bartlett, who rose through the ranks to become Commander of Brighton and Hove Police – and with whom I am now close friends and have co-written my first non-fiction book called ‘Death Come Knocking - Policing Roy Grace’s Brighton’.
Do you ever experience writers block? What advice would you give to aspiring writers who may be experiencing this?
I actually believe "writers block" is a myth, and used as an excuse! I think it comes out of not having properly worked out an idea, and becomes a self-indulgent excuse. "Oh my dears, I have writers block....". Writers are writers and in my view can always write, if they want to. I've come to a dead end sometimes during the course of writing a story, but when I've analyzed the problem, I realized that I hadn't thought it through. A thirty minute walk around the block or across fields will normally do the trick! What advice would you give aspiring writers?
The best possible advice I can give to any aspiring writer is to read, read, read, and analyse, and write, write, write. Writing is a craft, and any craft is improved with practice. But most importantly is to read the most successful of the kind of works you would yourself like to write: So if you want to be, for instance, a crime thriller writer, read the blockbusters of the past fifty years. Analyse them, literally deconstruct them and try to figure out what made them so popular. This is what I did when I started out. I took the books I most admired, the ones I most wished I had written, and literally read them until I knew them inside out.
I'm yet to read the last few books in the series, but I've been informed that your most recent book, 'Love You Dead' (#12), seemed to tie up a few loose ends, conveying quite a definitive ending. What inspired you to carry on the series and what can we expect from book 13 next year?
Every now and then I feel you have to tie up some ends and open up new ones which is what I have done in Love You Dead. I think it’s really important to keep the series fresh. I get inspired to continue with the series because of the enthusiasm of my readers, so as long as they want more Roy Grace I will continue to write more! I am almost 400 pages in to my 13th Roy Grace novel which will be published May 2017 and it centres on a question I have pondered many times - what would it take for a decent man to turn into a killer?
Q&A:
Which book out of the Roy Grace series did you enjoy writing most and why?
I genuinely enjoy writing them all... but if I have to choose I would say the most fun was 'Love You Dead’. The central character, Jodie Bentley, is a true “black widow”. A woman in her mid-thirties, who has made it her mission in life to become very seriously rich, and who sets out to achieve this by targeting on the internet, snaring, marrying and then despatching rich, elderly men. To achieve this without detection she has developed a number of false identities. My research took me on a journey through the world of internet dating, into the complexities of the Financial Crimes Units of the City of London Police and of Sussex Police, into the Proceeds of Crime legislation which has had a devastatingly effective impact on the criminal world, giving the Police far-reaching new powers to seize the assets of criminals. Prior to this legislation a criminal could make a calculated judgment on risk and reward, emerging from a long prison sentence to tax free riches. But no longer. In the course of researching how to obtain a false identity, I had an entertaining, if bizarre lunch, with a former banknote, driving licence and passport forger, Dave Henty and the man who arrested him, a detective called Graham Bartlett, who rose through the ranks to become Commander of Brighton and Hove Police – and with whom I am now close friends and have co-written my first non-fiction book called ‘Death Come Knocking - Policing Roy Grace’s Brighton’.
Jodie Bentley is an expert in venomous creatures, and keeps a host of them in a secret room in her home in Brighton. To learn more about them I spoke to a number of experts in the UK and abroad, all of whom who told me the best place to learn about them would be to visit one of the regular reptile shows at Houten in Holland and Hamm in Germany. So I did. Gulp! I went to Houten to one of the shows, and what I learned rocked me to the core.
It was an exhibition centre the size of Olympia, filled with rows and rows of stands selling everything from Black Widow, Trapdoor, Redback and other charming spiders, to all kinds of snakes including Taipans, the world’s most venomous snake, and Saw Scaled Vipers, which kill the greatest number of people. The reason being, it was explained cheerfully to me, is that the Taipan lives in remote areas, so rarely has contact with humans, but the Saw Scaled Viper, common in India, lives in populated areas. It kills a staggering 58,000 people a year in India alone. By comparison, 45,000 people die in car accidents and 15,000 are murdered, annually, in the USA.
The Saw Scaled Viper’s venom destroys the ability of its victims’ blood to coagulate, essentially liquidising their insides. They start to bleed from every orifice, their eyes, nose, mouth and all others. If the antidote is not introduced within two hours, the bite is almost always fatal. I met a survivor of a SSV bite, a very charismatic young man, who told me that he managed to get to a hospital where he could be treated within the requisite two hours. But even now, six years on, several times a year he is bedridden with flu-like symptoms. He was lucky.
Then I made the mistake of chatting to a man selling scorpions. He told me that one of the most docile of all was an Arabian Flat Rock Scorpion, he produced one from a box and asked me to hold out my hand. He then laid the creature on it. It was huge, about the size of a small lobster, and felt warm. I was shaking with terror! ‘Nice scorpion!’ I said to it, repeatedly, unsure what else to say to the creature, and hoping it wouldn’t misinterpret my jangling nerves as some manifestation of hostility. When finally he took it back, to my immense relief, he said, ‘It’s OK, if it had stung you it would be no worse than a bad bee sting!’ He then opened another clear plastic box – no bigger than a sandwich container, inside of which was another scorpion which he cheerfully told me could kill me in five days, in agony.
Another part of my research scared me in a very different way. I have a character in the book who makes a car bomb. I spent a morning with an explosives expert who actually made a miniature one for me, and detonated it in front of my eyes – but fortunately at a safe distance! The scary thing is that anyone can buy all the materials they need, for what can be used as a terrorist bomb, from just three high-street retail outlets - an aquarium supplier, an art shop and an electrical goods store.
Other areas of my research led me into the world of Undercover Operatives. I learned something fascinating here. For decades, if not longer, police and villains have played – and continue to do so – endless games of catch-up. Mostly it is villains who lead until the police rumble their latest ruse. I visited one of the DNA labs many police forces in the UK use, and one of the technicians was showing me their latest advances in obtaining DNA. I asked if television programmes such as CSI had helped criminals to become more forensically aware. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Undoubtedly. But fortunately for us they still make stupid mistakes. They’ll commit a burglary, wearing a body stocking under their clothes, and surgical gloves, in order to avoid leaving any traces, but then throw their gloves in a bin – and we can get the DNA from the inside of the gloves!’
But there is one area where instead of playing catch-up, the police are constantly ahead of the game, and that is with Undercover Operatives, or UCs as they are known. I was very impressed to learn that wide variety of false identities are created and seeded in the press and on social media, such as Facebook and Twitter, by the police, and with full family histories and connections with friends. So watch out, your new Facebook pal might just be a cop who is feeling your virtual collar...
Do you ever experience writers block? What advice would you give to aspiring writers who may be experiencing this?
I actually believe "writers block" is a myth, and used as an excuse! I think it comes out of not having properly worked out an idea, and becomes a self-indulgent excuse. "Oh my dears, I have writers block....". Writers are writers and in my view can always write, if they want to. I've come to a dead end sometimes during the course of writing a story, but when I've analyzed the problem, I realized that I hadn't thought it through. A thirty minute walk around the block or across fields will normally do the trick! What advice would you give aspiring writers?
The best possible advice I can give to any aspiring writer is to read, read, read, and analyse, and write, write, write. Writing is a craft, and any craft is improved with practice. But most importantly is to read the most successful of the kind of works you would yourself like to write: So if you want to be, for instance, a crime thriller writer, read the blockbusters of the past fifty years. Analyse them, literally deconstruct them and try to figure out what made them so popular. This is what I did when I started out. I took the books I most admired, the ones I most wished I had written, and literally read them until I knew them inside out.
I'm yet to read the last few books in the series, but I've been informed that your most recent book, 'Love You Dead' (#12), seemed to tie up a few loose ends, conveying quite a definitive ending. What inspired you to carry on the series and what can we expect from book 13 next year?
Every now and then I feel you have to tie up some ends and open up new ones which is what I have done in Love You Dead. I think it’s really important to keep the series fresh. I get inspired to continue with the series because of the enthusiasm of my readers, so as long as they want more Roy Grace I will continue to write more! I am almost 400 pages in to my 13th Roy Grace novel which will be published May 2017 and it centres on a question I have pondered many times - what would it take for a decent man to turn into a killer?
If you'd like to find out more about Peter, or wish to contact him, then please follow the links provided below.
Peter's Social Media:
- Official Website -
- Facebook -
- Twitter -
- Instagram -
If you do happen to read one of Peter's books, please include both Peter (@peterjamesuk) and myself (@veramyfarmiga) in a tweet. I am genuinely interested to hear your opinion and what book you are currently reading! I guarantee you, they will knock you dead...
Take Care, Emma
Take Care, Emma
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